Breathless Haste

"...At a destined hour it will come with breathless haste. It will not fail. If it delays wait for it, for when it comes there will be no time to linger…” Hab. 2:1-4

In the early part of 2009, Jay and I were sensing that our season at Willow Creek was drawing to a close. We had had an amazing six year run there, but we were feeling restlessness in our souls. In April 2009, Jay and I decided to do a 30 day challenge with a scripture in Habakkuk 2 that my Spiritual Director had read to me. We were both going to read it each day and then discuss what we were hearing or learning from it. We had never done anything like that.

One day I read it and then read the sidenotes in the bible on Habakkuk, it said that he was on the watchtower (with an attitude of expectation - not fear), because he wanted to be in the best position to hear God's word.

One day, I read and reread the scripture, and I noted, "I will stand...I will climb...I will take up my position." Habakkuk acted while he waited for the vision.

It also said, "write down the vision." Jay and I decided it was time to write a resume, so that it was "ready to be carried."

At one point, Jay and I began taking turns on the watchtower. One night, he would be up at 3 or 4 AM and then another nite, I would wake up, and it would be my turn. One of those early awakenings, Jay journaled until he got to his "resignation letter" that he had written earlier in the back of the journal. He had written it, more as an excercise to express what words he would like to say, not necessarily something that he would send to anyone. He said that he felt like God was asking him to resign before he had another job.

In this economy, quit without another job?

I told Jay that I thought he should not quit before our upcoming trip to Africa. He had put a great team together and that was what he was passionate about, so we agreed to hold on a little longer.

Another day, I read the scripture again, For WHEN it comes (the vision), not if, but WHEN. Ok, God has a plan. Hang in there.

On another day, I was reading from Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton. She said, "The discernment process involves a major commitment to listening with love and attention to....those who will be most deeply affected by our decisions." In my spirit, I heard that we needed to talk to our kids about what was happening inside our souls.

So, we told our 13 year old daughter and our 10 year old son that we felt like God was up to something, but we didn't know the details - not when, not where. The conversation was holy ground. It was another confirmation that God was moving.

I began to see in my mind a trapeze artist - one that has to let go of one bar, before he can catch the next. And God was asking us to be in that place of letting go of Willow before the next bar was in sight. Frightening for sure. At one on my nights on the watchtower, I was reading John Ortberg's book, If You Are Going to Walk on Water, You Have to get Out of the Boat. And there I read the story about a trapeze artist. Confirmation again.

Jay decided to make a few phone calls to make some connections about other job possibilites. He talked with Reggie McNeal who is leader in the missional movement. Reggie suggested several places for Jay to check in to and several places for him to stay away from. Always good to know someone on the inside!

Reggie mentioned Vic Pentz at Peachtree Presbtyerian and the Peachtree Global Fellowship, PGF. That night, Jay and I looked at the PGF's website and we both were astonished at how much their vision lined up with Jay's vision. Jay decided to email Vic. Of course thinking that his email would fall into the bit bucket. Within a day, Vic emailed Jay and asked for his resume and his story.

As we prepared for our trip to Africa, we had a strong sense that it would somehow mark the finish line for us.

On July 2, Jay’s first day back at work after Malawi, he was contacted by Peachtree Presbyterian about a role that really fit his sense of calling. Over the ensuing weeks, God has made it clear that He is not just releasing us from Willow, but He is calling us to something new.

In August with breathless haste, we put our house in Chicago on the market, packed our personal belongings and moved to Atlanta - just four months after we intently sought God's will for our family with four verses of scripture.

Questions to Ponder: What trapeze bar is God asking you to let go of? What would it feel like to fall into God's will for you life?

Memory Book Video Clip - Malawi 2009

Click here to see George and Jill of World Relief introduce the Memory Book project to HIV/Aids families in Chitipa, Malawi in June 2009.

Memory Books in Chitipa, Malawi

oneLife at a Time

I was sitting on a mat outside of a one room mud brick home in Chitipa, Malawi – thousands of miles away from my two story, 4 bedroom home in Chicago. The husband and wife both have HIV/Aids, and they have a six-week old daughter.

We had arrived there to do a home visit to encourage them, pray for them, and deliver gifts of sugar, oil and soap. We were asked to take pictures of us giving the gifts to the family.

It felt like a photo-op – white, rich girl gives to poor. I was overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the poverty, sickness, and sadness of all that I had seen. I just wanted to run back to the comforts of my home – far away from all of this.

The next day, we were helping HIV/Aids families make memory books. (I have been scrapbooking since I was seven years old, so I was thrilled when I was asked to be a part of this project!) We brought instant cameras and film to take pictures of the families. We also had scrapbooks, supplies & questions to answer that would help them capture their family history, traditions and desires. I also found out that these books would also help by serving as a “will” that would help them to preserve their land and home after death.

We had about 20 families to show up to do their books. One of those was the women with the six week old baby that I had visited the day before. I had no idea that I would ever see her again. We greeted and hugged each other.

We made progress with each of the family’s books, and then we told them to return the next day with other family members that they would like to have pictures made or to bring photos that they might have at home, so that they could add them to the books.

The next day, my lost luggage arrived, and it contained all the extra scrapbook supplies – including alphabet stickers. All of the participants wanted to put their name in their book using the stickers.

At one point, I walked over to the women with the six week old baby, and she was spelling out her name in stickers: R-A-B-E-C-C-A. How many women in Africa have my name? I can’t imagine very many. I felt like God was saying to me…I know that you are overwhelmed with all you have seen, but I am asking you to bring hope to one person at a time, and I am confirming that by connecting you with someone else that has your name. I don’t think that she will forget me, and I certainly will not forget her.

I (we) can't individually tackle the global or continental or even country-wide problems of AIDS, poverty, or lack of drinking water that exist in our world, but if we all help one person, we can make a difference - oneLife at a time.

Redemption?

In Power of a Praying Wife, these were some of the words I read back in 2003, "God has called you (me) to something too. But it will fit in with whatever your husband's calling is, it will not be in conflict with it....the timing to do what God has called each of you to do will work out perfectly, if it's submitted to God."

At that point, I knew that we were being called to Chicago and I knew that God was definitely calling my husband into full time ministry, the Willow internship and seminary. I had NO idea what He was calling me to - other than to support him and my kids.

Soon after we moved, I attended Willow's Small Group conference. Dan Allender was speaking, and he said, "Your whole story matters to God."

At that moment, something deep inside me shifted. My WHOLE story matters? Even the dark, & ugly parts? The parts that I had buried deep in my soul? Is it possible that those parts matter to God?

At that point, I began to dig into my life story. I wrote it down, and I spoke about the details with my small group. I began to wrestle with the bad parts. I even signed up for a six week class at Willow Creek to bring one especially dark & dreary part of my story into the light.

I had heard the word redemption many times, but I had never experienced it. Never really understood what it meant. On two seperate occassions, I felt lead to share a part of my story with an "almost" stranger and at another time with a friend. My story struck them deep in their stories and over time, it helped them to began to work & wrestle their darkness into the light. That's what redemption is - God using all the parts of our story - good and bad - to bring healing and restoration to the world.

Months later, I began to have a sense of being "overwhelmed" - by life, friendships, & raising kids. My husband, Jay, suggested that I was building into many people and that I should have someone to build into me. He suggested that I contact Sibyl Towner. For days, I talked myself out of really needing any help. One day, Jay called and said that he was praying for me and that he didn't want me to dismiss the idea.

That gave me the courage to send an email to Sibyl. She emailed back to say that she would meet with me. She was "Director of Spiritual Mentoring"! I had no idea that I had gone straight to the top. We met. I discussed my overwhelmed state. She listened or at least, I thought she had.

Within a week of our first meeting, she emailed me that she was working on a project with Sharon Swing, and she asked if I would be interested in meeting with them. Did she hear a word I said? I don't need a project. I have enough of my own!

When I met with them, their project was about writing a book with visual maps that would helping to process their life story - the good and the bad! Without hesitation, I jumped on board. I couldn't believe that I would be on the ground floor on this amazing project.

I have now been working with Sharon and Sibyl for 4 years, and the book is called, "Listen to My Life." We are on quite an adventure now with the distribution of the book, doing retreats, teaching classes, etc. and I know that this was God was referring to in Power of a Praying Wife - God had called me to something to, and it fits in with my husband's calling and it is not in conflict with it. (Check out www.oneLifemaps.com for information on Listen to My Life.)

Go to Chicago! January 2003

In 2002, my husband, Jay, sold his business and began to work at our church as an interim pastor. He LOVED the job, but he was told that he would only have the job until they found a qualified seminary graduate. During his time at our church, they sent him to Willow Creek Community Church for an Evangelism conference. He heard about the three year Internship program that they offered - a seminary degree, ministry experience, and inner journey work. It sounded good, but we lived in SC and this was in Chicago. Not possible.

Jay returned home to tell me about it and it lodged in my heart. A few months later, he got the call that our church had found the perfect candidate and that his job would not last very much longer. He decided to call Willow Creek again to learn more about the Internship. They said that we should come to Chicago in a couple of weeks for the Internship training weekend. Jay mentioned that to me and I said, "NO!!!! You check out all the other seminaries and other opportunties. If after a few months, you still are interested, I will go with you."

Right after that, Jay went a way for a previously scheduled hunting trip with some of his friends. The first night that he was away, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning. This was highly unusual for me. I had very young children at the time, so they were typically the only reasons that I would wake up in the middle of the night. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

The second night of his absense, I woke up again at 4:30 in the morning. Not 4:25. Not 4:32. Again, I rolled over and returned to sleep.

The third nite, again a 4:30 AM wakeup. I finally tossed back the covers and said, "OK God. What is it?"

I sat in my red chair - the place where I most often read and pray. The Power of Praying Wife was open on my chair to Chapter 9 - His Purpose. So I began to read, " Everyone has purpose. It's the reason we exist. When he discovers that purpose, and is doing what he was created to do , becoming what he was created to be, he will find fulfillment. This can only contribute to your happiness as well." I kept reading and began sobbing. As I continued to read, it was as if God was writing with a black Sharpie on the pages of this book, "Go to Chicago!"

Jay called me later that day, and I told him what had happened. A week or so later, we left our little children to attend the Internship training. Throughout the weekend, we felt very sure that we were to continue to pursue this option - all the while praying that God would close the door.

A few months later, we packed up our 40 years of life in South Carolina. We left our families, our friends, our church and our home and everything that we had ever known.

We have now been at Willow Creek for 5.5 years. My husband, Jay, is on staff at Willow Creek and I have been blessed to work on Life Story materials with some amazing women for the last several years.

It has been a hard journey, but an amazing journey too. We wouldn't trade all the money in the world for the blessings and opportunites that we have had following God down this path. More than we would have asked for or imagined.

Scrapbooking in Africa?

Since I worked on getting balls, bibles and t-shirts for the kids of Chitipa, Malawi in the Fall 2008, my heart has been thinking of Africa. For so long, I have said, "God, please don't send me to Africa." Probably not what most people fear, but my Aunt Neale (my given middle name and my daugther's first name) was a missionary there for 42 years, so I guess that the idea has always been in the back of my mind.

Recently, I asked my husband, Jay, about the idea of working in Africa and he said that we are of more help to them here, because we can mobilize people and resources here to help them there.

Last weekend, Jay & I had dinner with Stella, who works for our church in Malawi. I told her that I as considering being apart of the serving trip in June. Jay asked Stella how she might want me to serve. Stella said, "Do you like arts & crafts?...Would you be interested in helping AIDs families do scrapbooks?" She continued by talking about how the children are left with nothing once their parent(s) die. They have no pictures to keep and nothing to hold on to.

Well, I could have just fallen out of my chair. What Stella didn't know was that I have been scrapbooking since I was seven years old. It is part of who I am and who God made me to be, but I have never dreamed that it could serve a kingdom purpose...until now.